About
Starting out even as a young girl I had this overwhelming desire to be accepted by those around me. I wanted, craved, and simply needed to have others not only accept me, but to want me. To want to be my friend, to want me to play with them on the playground, to want me to be a “part of” whatever it was they had going on. This quickly led to an extremely distorted way of thinking and behaving. I was willing to compromise any values or beliefs I had in order to find that acceptance from others. I had to “fit in” at any cost.
These patterns of thinking and behaving only became more detrimental as I grew older. By the time I hit middle school I was already getting myself into unhealthy situations with boys. At that point the problems I was finding myself with seemed harmless. At the age of 14 I was hit with a traumatic event that would reshape everything of my being up to that point. All of my sense of self, who I was, and who I wanted to become was shattered.
Already having a destructive pattern of thinking and behaving mixed with a traumatic event was the key to unlocking the door leading to life I would go on to live for the next 16 years, A life of alcohol, drugs, abusive relationships and so much more.
In 2015 I became a mother. An event that most would assume would change everything for the better, and in so many ways it did get better, but in so many ways it got much worse.
In the early months 2021 I became the drug addicted mother that got her children taken away from her that I swore I would never be. Those mothers that struggled with the exact same situations that I judged so harshly and negatively, I was now one of them. This became the biggest life event that shattered everything I was. Instead of facing the reality of what i had allowed myself to become and do something to make a change, i ran. I ran so far away from anything that forced me to even take a glimpse at what i had become. I ran from the fear, the pain, the guilt, shame, embarrassment and anything else. I ran from it and i numbed it in any way i possibly could.
In october of 2021 I made a decision. I made a decision to change. I made a decision to stop numbing and running from everything. I made a decision to look at the reality that surrounded my life. I wanted something different. I wanted a better life for myself. I became willing to do whatever it would take to get that.
Now I sit here writing these words that I never imagined I would be able to write about my own life. I am Kyla, and I am a drug addict who hasnt used any mind altering substances in over a year. I am Kyla, and I am a mother who has had sole legal and physical custody of her 2 kids since April of 2022. I am Kyla, and I have goals and visions in this life today that all revolve around helping and supporting other women who are going through hardships in their life.
Starting this blog has been a dream of mine for a while now, and i decided to quit hiding behind the fear of the unknown and to take a leap of faith in myself. My vision for this blog is simply to share my story. To share the ups, the downs, the losses and the wins. I want this blog to be a safe place for women to come to and hopefully read something that inspires them or helps them through a dark moment. I will be a voice for other women that struggle to find their own. Today I can find beauty and light in some of the darkest of times in my life, by simply believing that my pain i endured can be used to help another human being.
